Discouragement...The ups and downs of a long journey

I have been conspicuously absent from blogging this weekend, but that is because it is the weekend! Places to go, people to see, so on.  That does not however, mean that I have not been continuing on my journey, and with great pride, announce that I did it! I completed WEEK ONE OF INSANITY! Only 7 more weeks of hell torture ecstasy the program to go!!

While pride is certainly there, it does not come without it's share of discouragement. Friday was a rough day on me mentally, and I do realize that this entire process is a mental game.  I was wholly feeling not-myself on Friday.  I have been very up and battle ready since the beginning, but for some reason on Friday my head got involved in the game, and I began doubting myself, doubting my abilities, my stamina.  I doubted the PROCESS, in which was my first failure, because it is a process, and not an overnight transformation. 

I began to wonder if this entire thing was worth it, the sacrifice of time with my kids during the day, the  sacrifice of time with my Darling at night, the muscle soreness, the sweat and the tears, and so on. I spent a considerable amount of time bemoaning my dilemmas with my coach and my friends, accepting their responses, but dwelling instead on my own fears. Alas, I recognized my self-doubt for what it was and decided the best way to overcome it was to just hit PLAY, so with the kids in tow (aka completely underfoot), we all completed Friday's workout as a family.  

I felt much better afterward. Empowered even.  Demons - 0, Me - 1. And that is the best that I can hope for. 

It was rewarded by Darling noting how much my body is changing even in a short time.  I'm grateful that I have people like him in my life, who can note the changes for what they are, because I myself do not really see them yet.  But that is how it always goes, no?  We are the last to see true change in ourselves.

Saturday I went to the Farmer's Market in Atlanta, which if you have never been you are truly missing out, especially if you live in a vicinity that makes it a possibility.  I came home laden with bags of fresh fruits, vegetables, fish and meats, fresh whole wheat multigrain breads, everything I should be eating, and none of the stuff that I should not.  For this I am grateful as well, as if the temptation is in my kitchen I am more likely to indulge. 

Despite the long day out of the house running errands, I still managed to pull myself together and workout last night, which was no easy feat after the tremendously long week I had just completed.  Cardio Plyometrics again. Brutally painful, yet justifiably the best routine to round out the week. Never have I been more joyous though as this day when I was able to mark through the Insanity Calendar workout of the day with giant black X, signaling the completion of one solid week of commitment and execution.

One week down!  One week into lifestyle modifications of forever. 

I am most grateful that today is a day of rest however.  A day to recharge and reflect, rest my extremely weary muscles, and accomplish little things I've needed to get done.  For instance, I made a giant batch of low-carb fajitas complete with onions, red and yellow peppers, lean steak and chicken breast, cilantro, cayenne pepper, cumin, chives, zucchini, avocado, the works, all marinated and slow cooked to tenderness so that it can be served on cabbage leaves instead of tortillas, and function as my lunch for the week.  Having it pre-cooked and portioned out assures that I will eat healthfully while at work and not skip meals, ensuring I don't starve my metabolism. 

Dinners are planned out for the week as well, with prep work completed to make evenings run smoother. Laundry is done, my house is clean, and I slept a good deal too, to recharge. Judging from this weeks workout calendar, I am going to need it.

All in all, I'm thrilled. I completed one full week. That means I can do another, and another, and while I still don't feel any drastic body changes, I know they are coming, if I stick to it.

I am, after all, a work in progress, just like you.