I'm baaaaaack..... And with RESULTS from 2 week completion!

Aaah how I have missed my quality time with Shaun T.  It is funny how quickly something can become a part of your daily routine, and how much your body rebels.  I don't have full clearance yet to workout, not until the antibiotics are complete, but I was able to do my Fit Test which marked the first COMPLETE two weeks of Insanity, and I am absolutely amazed at my results!!!

First, I shall give you my Fit Test results, both my first day, and now, just two weeks later:

1. Switch Kicks: 23 / 35
2. Power Jacks: 20 / 31
3. Power Knees: 31 / 53
4. Power Jumps: 11 / 17
5. Globe Jumps: 4 / 6
6. Suicide Jumps: 5 / 8 (omg my LEGS!)
7. Push up Jacks: 4 / 12 (!!!)
8. Low Plank Obliques: 11 / 19

Major improvement!  Other than my legs feeling like jello by the 5th exercise, I was thrilled at my stamina throughout the fit test this week.  I am definitely improving, but not only in my performance!

I weighed in yesterday at the two week mark. I have been trying very hard to make it about more than just a "number game".  The scale is important to me, but it isn't my only focus.  That said, I'm certainly not unhappy.

In two weeks, I have gone from 212.8 to 208.2, a 4.6 lb loss!

And while the pounds alone might not be melting off (though I suspect that will come) the INCHES are. Measurements:
Left Arm:  18 / 17.25
Right Arm: 19 / 18
Chest: 42 / 40.5
Waist: 41 / 38.75
Post-baby Pooch: 47.5 / 46
Hips: 48 / 46.5
Left Thigh: 29 / 28
Right Thigh: 29 / 28
Left Calf: 17.5 / 16.5 
Right Calf: 15 / 16 (A full inch GAIN in previously atrophied muscle!)

Total, in two weeks, I have lost 10.5 inches. Unbelievable.  This program WORKS.

Over the next two weeks, my goal is to improve my STAMINA.  I would love to be able to get through the entire warm up without having to stop and gasp for oxygen, even in the final set.  I am improving, but I am definitely not there yet.  I know the warm up is intense, but if I am going to be able to move on to month 2, that is a goal I really want to meet.  I am also going to try to tighten up my diet, and cut carbs out more significantly.  I have been at my calorie goal every day, but I am admittedly allowing myself too many "cheats" and eating things that are certainly not promoting of weight loss.

These results are definitely enough to get me over the two week slump and keep me PUMPED to keep going.  Loving my journey..... and I can't wait to show you pictures at the 30 day mark.

Waylaid AGAIN!

So this will be a rather short and disheartening post, though it hopefully shall not reign in effect for long.

I have found myself on the receiving end of an extremely severe UTI, bladder infection, and inflamed kidneys, and upon doctors orders, am to abstain from participating in Insanity until I have no symptoms and am pain free, or I complete my antibiotics, 9 days from now whichever comes first, due to dehydration and muscle weakness from the side affects of the medications.

I am trying desperately to stay positive and not give in to my self imposed guilt, since my nightly workout has become something I hold very dear, and my goals are not going to wait since they are time sensitive, however I know that pushing it will just injure myself further, and perhaps take me out of the game completely.  I definitely don't want that!

Therefore, I'm finding other, less intense, ways to stay active, and modifying my diet so I remain at my projected deficit, and hopefully continue to lose and progress toward my goal. Its just a short interruption. I will beat it, and be healthier coming out of it in the long run.

I do intend to at least do my fit test on Monday, as well as weigh in and track measurements, as was the initial plan, and I'm not starting over, just resuming where I left off once I do pick it up.  I tend to recover fairly quickly, so I am hoping to continue with that trend.

In alternate happy news - I felt this hard little lump in my side which I initially thought was related to the infections, but upon further probing, its an ab! Specifically an oblique, but most importantly here - I HAVE AN AB!  Just one... and under a layer of fat, BUT ITS THERE!

Thank you Shaun T. I have never felt such a thing on my body before.

What NOT to do when doing Insanity?

It has been a very long couple of days.  My work schedule has been much more intense than usual, with longer days and a heavier workload. It ebbs and flows as always, but for right now I am definitely on overload.

Not to mention that little Miss SassyPants has been living up to her name lately. Maybe its the "Terrible Twos" finally kicking in, but the whining is killing me! We shall overcome though!

Thankfully, none of this is slowing me down. My goals are too high and my motivation too strong to let trivial distractions waylay me. In fact, I am noticing as the days go on that I am more and more looking forward to that personal "me" time at night. I crave the burn and the challenge, and may or may not have been sending the rugrats to bed a few minutes early in the evenings just so I can get to it.

I've also been playing with some new foods for energy, especially since by the time I do manage to get home and get the kids in bed I tend to be pretty beat and need to get into the frame of mind to workout. Chia seeds are an awesome source of near instant energy, and I've found blending them with a hemp protein powder, some spinach, and a banana completely boosts me through my workout and beyond without keeping me up at night.  It functions as an excellent recovery drink as well.

So on to the what not to do?  Donate Blood!! Unless its on your rest day I suppose.  I am a huge advocate of blood donations, having received one myself previously a few years back.  When my hospital announced a blood drive I thought "Sure why not!"

Mistake.

They warned against heavy lifting afterward. I figured cardio would be fine right? Ok clearly this lacks common sense since cardio makes the heart work harder and pump faster, and I had a lot less blood volume carrying oxygen to my body.  I came home and tried to do Cardio Power and Resistance that night. NOPE! My body outright refused.  

I am very pleased to say that over the past two weeks, while no where near being able to do every rep of every circuit, my stamina is greatly improving of late. That night? I was not even able to get through the FIRST circuit of the warm up without getting dizzy and gasping for breath.  So I slowed down a little, and tried again. Nope. I gave it my best effort for about 20 minutes into the routine but by then I was afraid I would faint, so sadly, called it a night.

Which moves on to today.  I woke up still a little dizzy with some muscle weakness, and glanced at my calendar.  Plyometrics. Crap.  Decided to protein and iron load today to try to hasten the recovery which can take 24-72 hours.  LOTS of spinach, chia seeds, red meat... Was definitely feeling a lot better as my workout neared, just over 24 hours later, but not quite sure I could handle Plyo so I swapped it out for Cardio Recovery which should have been tomorrow.

Proud to say I managed decently well, actually staying rep for rep with Shaun T (Remember last weeks Recovery post?! That is a huge improvement!) until about the last 6 minutes and then had to take a break.  By tomorrow I am sure I will be entirely on point and ready to tackle Plyo with my full core.

Still mostly attempting to avoid the scale and the measuring tape. I've peeked a time or two, but I'm still hoping for a big surprise result Monday, which is when I weigh in and measure for the 2 week point, as well as repeat the fit test.  Changes are brewing!

Only 6 1/2 more weeks until I leave for Canada. Loving the me I am finding on my there. 

Discouragement...The ups and downs of a long journey

I have been conspicuously absent from blogging this weekend, but that is because it is the weekend! Places to go, people to see, so on.  That does not however, mean that I have not been continuing on my journey, and with great pride, announce that I did it! I completed WEEK ONE OF INSANITY! Only 7 more weeks of hell torture ecstasy the program to go!!

While pride is certainly there, it does not come without it's share of discouragement. Friday was a rough day on me mentally, and I do realize that this entire process is a mental game.  I was wholly feeling not-myself on Friday.  I have been very up and battle ready since the beginning, but for some reason on Friday my head got involved in the game, and I began doubting myself, doubting my abilities, my stamina.  I doubted the PROCESS, in which was my first failure, because it is a process, and not an overnight transformation. 

I began to wonder if this entire thing was worth it, the sacrifice of time with my kids during the day, the  sacrifice of time with my Darling at night, the muscle soreness, the sweat and the tears, and so on. I spent a considerable amount of time bemoaning my dilemmas with my coach and my friends, accepting their responses, but dwelling instead on my own fears. Alas, I recognized my self-doubt for what it was and decided the best way to overcome it was to just hit PLAY, so with the kids in tow (aka completely underfoot), we all completed Friday's workout as a family.  

I felt much better afterward. Empowered even.  Demons - 0, Me - 1. And that is the best that I can hope for. 

It was rewarded by Darling noting how much my body is changing even in a short time.  I'm grateful that I have people like him in my life, who can note the changes for what they are, because I myself do not really see them yet.  But that is how it always goes, no?  We are the last to see true change in ourselves.

Saturday I went to the Farmer's Market in Atlanta, which if you have never been you are truly missing out, especially if you live in a vicinity that makes it a possibility.  I came home laden with bags of fresh fruits, vegetables, fish and meats, fresh whole wheat multigrain breads, everything I should be eating, and none of the stuff that I should not.  For this I am grateful as well, as if the temptation is in my kitchen I am more likely to indulge. 

Despite the long day out of the house running errands, I still managed to pull myself together and workout last night, which was no easy feat after the tremendously long week I had just completed.  Cardio Plyometrics again. Brutally painful, yet justifiably the best routine to round out the week. Never have I been more joyous though as this day when I was able to mark through the Insanity Calendar workout of the day with giant black X, signaling the completion of one solid week of commitment and execution.

One week down!  One week into lifestyle modifications of forever. 

I am most grateful that today is a day of rest however.  A day to recharge and reflect, rest my extremely weary muscles, and accomplish little things I've needed to get done.  For instance, I made a giant batch of low-carb fajitas complete with onions, red and yellow peppers, lean steak and chicken breast, cilantro, cayenne pepper, cumin, chives, zucchini, avocado, the works, all marinated and slow cooked to tenderness so that it can be served on cabbage leaves instead of tortillas, and function as my lunch for the week.  Having it pre-cooked and portioned out assures that I will eat healthfully while at work and not skip meals, ensuring I don't starve my metabolism. 

Dinners are planned out for the week as well, with prep work completed to make evenings run smoother. Laundry is done, my house is clean, and I slept a good deal too, to recharge. Judging from this weeks workout calendar, I am going to need it.

All in all, I'm thrilled. I completed one full week. That means I can do another, and another, and while I still don't feel any drastic body changes, I know they are coming, if I stick to it.

I am, after all, a work in progress, just like you.

THIS is recovery?!

Aaaah blissful Thursday, "recovery" day to prepare you for back to back brutal workouts. I've also made today my carb intake day, so needless to say I was really looking forward to today.  I did much better with my intake today than I have been, although virtually everything I ate was scarfed down by Sassypants.

Since I get to eat carbs, it means I get to eat FRUIT! Yay. Started my day off with half a banana, a half a cup of grape juice, scrambled eggs w/ sausage and red and green peppers, and a quick lick of my daughters powdered sugar donut. Don't judge, she didn't see me.

For lunch I had a turkey dog with cheese (no bun), some red pepper strips w/ hummus - which I apparently didn't read the label on closely enough because it was SPICY.  As in too spicy to eat. On the bright side, I got most of my water intake for the day done in about 30 seconds... I had some chicken tiki marsala w/ saltine crackers - which was also extremely spicy, and dinner was a caesar salad with lemon pepper tilapia, topped off with two chocolate chip cookies, cause I can, and my post-workout protein recovery drink. So calorie and carb intake was up there today without being excessive.

Sassypants is definitely getting sick so today was looong. Whiny does not even begin to describe it. EVERY little thing caused a complete meltdown.  Thankfully she knows I don't go for that crap. She would start crying, look at me, then go in her room, slam her door, and cry it out.  So well trained.

Needless to say, between that, some 'emergency do it right now' work that crept up, and the return of Chatterbox to the household, I was so ready for bed time, theirs not mine.

And with bedtime? Yay! Time for some quality me and Shaun T. time.

I was really looking forward to this workout. Something nice, slow paced, easy. Some stretching, and a nice relaxing evening for my sore muscles.

Psych.

Apparently Insanity's version of recovery is INSANE.  Every muscle in my body was worked to the point of near failure. I was SHAKING.  Vibrating is actually a more accurate description.  I did great through the 'warm up', and the early stretches, I was like 12 minutes in, hadn't had to stop and rest, was going rep for rep with all of the pros and feeling pretty proud of myself.

Then the squats started.  No problem right!?... I thought to myself. We do hundreds of squats every day. I can do this. Nice, and slow, and easy. 16 reps? Killed it.  Until the last one.  "Hold it" he said.  So I held it.  "Go a little deeper", he said.  So deeper I went.  Oh yeah, I was feeling it. Ow.  "Now, while you're here, SQUEEEEEZE your thighs together, without moving your feet."  While I'm still squatting?? Ok... OW! Yeah that hurt...Dude this SUCKS!  And then, the icing on the cake... "Now pulse it! 16 times, real slow!" And that is when the cursing began.

But I made it through it! Yay. It had to get easier from there, right?  Nope. Lunges.  I thought I was going to die.  But I kept going. Couldn't quite go rep for rep with him, but I got decently close.

After that it went to core and balance work, which while not insanely difficult, other than the fact that it is 10x harder to balance on legs that won't quit shaking that otherwise, is an area that I really have to improve. I have virtually no balance on my right foot due in large part to core weakness, but also due to my injury and surgeries.  I was quite pleased with being able to balance at ALL though, which is the first time I've actually been able to in the past two years, so progress. And it can only get better from here.

I finished the workout, and Cinderella, who has spent the evening over here, came in to find me dripping sweat and shaking still and asked if was insane yet.  Said she'd heard some yelling. Ha. Yelling indeed.

Wrapped it up with some final stretching, my go-to Icy Hot, and some muscle recovery time with my NMES unit.  It took a good hour until my legs finally quit shaking.  It was awesome! Every day I love Insanity just a little more.

I know it is only going to get harder, but the rewards are only equal to what you put into it.  I'm giving it everything, and I know I'll get even more back.  Bring it on PURE CARDIO! I'm stronger than you.

Struggles and Aligning my Priorities

It didn't snow here today. It iced. All day.  I woke up to about a half inch sheet of solid ice covering everything around me.  This essentially meant it was just me and Sassypants holed up inside for the entire day. Just as well, I also woke up with a killer sinus headache! My little rugrat seems to be getting a little cold as well, so it was a low key morning.

A morning spent curled up on a heating pad to ease my sore abs from yesterday's workout! Its a 'hurts so good' kind of feeling though. This is the first workout I have ever done that I really felt in my core.  I owe that in large part to Shaun T.'s constant reminds to keep my core tight. It is so incredibly easy to forget this one simple fact when you're struggling just to breathe, but it makes a huge difference in the execution of each exercise. Brutal though!

Right!?

In all seriousness though, I took it really easy until about 4pm today when I decided I just HAD to get up and be productive today.  Since my kitchen construction was mostly complete, I decided I could start putting everything back to where it belonged. Mission accomplished and I LOVE the way it looks.  I have a lot more open cabinet space now, and all new appliances to make my life easier, and cooking a lot more fun.

 

Beautiful!

I made a wonderful late lunch/early dinner of Chicken Cordon Bleu and a caesar salad, which I had to literally fight Sassypants off of. At one point she just ditched the fork and was using both hands to stuff my salad in her mouth.  I love that I am setting a healthy example for her with eating better, and that she is open to trying new foods. Chatterbox? Not so much. 

After dinner, it was more Dora and relaxing/stretching.  I signed up on the community boards at Team BeachBody to get in touch with more Insanity addicts like myself, and garner some motivation from others that are pushing through.  I also spent a great deal of time looking at 'Before and After' pictures.  You want to talk motivation? Try that. Seeing the changes that people have achieved with their bodies is AMAZING and so inspiring.  

I particularly loved the ones that were so overweight, like I am. It didn't happen overnight, it was a process. Many of them had posted that it was their 2nd or 3rd time through the program, but it made me really sit up and take note that the body that is in my head is not just a figment of my imagination. It exists, and I can find it if I really work for it. 

And work I did...

Tonight was Cardio Power and Resistance. This was the last workout I did last week before the construction consumed my household. This was also the day that I was completely overloaded with work and exhausted, so I didn't put my full effort into the workout.  Now I really wish I had, because I would have remembered what I was in for tonight. Maybe it is just because yesterday  was so intense, but WOW my arms and abs and quads, and well basically everything were BURNING.  I didn't know shins could sweat!  I was drenched by the end, but as always so thrilled that I had completed it, and given it literally everything I possibly could.  There were a few water breaks in there that I was not even able to pull myself off of the floor for. But just like yesterday, and the day before, I realized that my best was so much better than the best I thought I had.  Every day I'm going a little deeper with my push ups, jumping a little higher, lasting just a little longer before I pass out. Every day is a new achievement. Perhaps that is why this is so addicting?!

I mentioned yesterday that I was  afraid to step back on the scale, so I decided to research a little bit more into that. Queen of Google, I am. It confirmed my fears, and most of what I read related that there would be little to no loss seen on the scale for the first couple of weeks since muscle soreness indicates that they are trying to protect themselves, and therefore retain water before finally releasing it.  I think I will wait until I am a full two weeks into the program until I venture back onto the scale. 

As much as I love the workout though, it does not come without a price. The workouts take time. Even in this first month, they all average 40 minutes or so, plus recoup time afterward, and its only going to increase in duration. In my schedule, with my work, and the kids, time is a very precious commodity. Before, as soon as the rats went to bed would my time with my love, on Skype since he lives in Canada, but together nonetheless.  Now, I'm sacrificing a good two hours of time we would be together to workout, recover, and shower. Combine this with the fact that he has been sick lately and is going to bed earlier, and I have been missing Darling immensely lately.  I have to constantly remind myself that what I am doing is just as much for him and our future together as it is for me.  He deserves a healthier version of me, and that is what I am working for. Thankfully he is very supportive and encouraging, and understands that I need this time to improve myself.  He is terrified I am going to re-injure my foot though, but so far so good!

My biggest struggle at the moment is my calorie intake.  Not that I am eating too much, but that I am not eating ENOUGH.  I've averaged out my daily intake, and I'm only coming up on about 1100 calories a day. One of the biggest stall factors in weight loss is your body entering starvation mode and your metabolism slowing down. Insanity is high intensity, high caloric burn, and I have to fuel my body.  I'm definitely going to focus in on increasing my intake moderately to provide the right amount of nutrition to keep the burn going. 

For now though, I am giving myself my best effort. Your best is all you have to give, and as long as you are doing that, then you will achieve amazing things. Just push yourself to be a little better than you were yesterday.

Distractions Defeated

So apparently Atlanta is on the verge of a catastrophic ice storm. After the excitement of the last time this happened a few weeks ago, lets just say the city is being over-prepared. Schools, daycares, and businesses are all closed. Today, tomorrow, Thursday, and possibly through the weekend.

Chatterbox is away at Snow Camp Cinderella, but that still leaves me with Sassypants all day, plus a house full of construction workers (who can apparently work through the apocalypse?) plus trying to work all day, since apparently one of the luxuries of working primarily from home means no such thing as a snow day. On the bright side, The fridge is finally GONE! 

I managed to pull it together and have a pretty productive day nonetheless. Sassypants and I did jigsaw puzzles and watched Dora, we painted and colored, and read books. It was one of the best days I've spent with my daughter in a very long time. True bonding (other than that brief moment when she asked to go to her dad's house since he has better toys...). When she FINALLY decided a nap was not the worst idea in the world, I buckled down and got some quality work time in, but unfortunately that was rather late in the day.

When she woke up, we had dinner. She had Mac and Cheese and yogurt with apples and peas, and I had baked chicken breasts and broccoli in an alfredo sauce. Yum!

With the late nap, came a late bed time.  By 8 o'clock she was showing zero sign of winding down though, and I was ready to workout! The "itch" comes around then, and if I don't satisfy it right then, it makes getting up to actually do it 10x harder.

Since I had no other real option, I decided to lead by example and let her watch me exercise!  Let me just say - world's biggest exercise of PATIENCE, but it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be.

Since I started over, today was the "Day 2" workout again - Cardio Plyometrics, otherwise known as the darkest level of Hell.

Having Sassypants around though - MAJOR motivator.  She was very interested in what I was doing, and proceeded to curl up quite comfortable and cozy in our rocking chair with her pillow and blanket watching. Never thought I could be jealous of a two year old.

But she sat, and she watched, and she asked questions. "Whatcha doing mommy?" "Dying."

Then I went on to explain that I was exercising.  This peaked her interest.  Any time I would stop to try to fill my devoid body of oxygen she was there cheering me on, refusing to let me quit.  "You can do it mommy! Jump! Jump!" How could I let my little girl down?!

The best part was the stretching when she decided to join in with me. Ever seen a 2 year old clumsily work their way through yoga stretches? It was awesome. She got right in there with me, doing the jumps, and the power knees, everything. Such a sweet bonding moment, and now I'm kind of looking forward to having Chatterbox home to try to pull her into it.

I am still  ceaselessly amazed by how quickly I am progressing and building muscle and endurance. Just from last week to this week, the stamina I have to get through the circuits is incredible.  I definitely still stop, and by the last 2 circuits of the final drill, I was DONE. Sweat was pouring down my face and arms. Even Sassypants said I was wet. Interestingly, I really feel it in my core tonight, as opposed to last week where my legs were horribly spent. I'm trying to focus more on form and keeping my heart rate up than bounding around trying to keep up the pace. My flexibility is increasing significantly too. Little improvements every day keep me going.

I might not be smiling tonight (I actually look downright evil!), but I was on the inside. Its a major feeling of accomplishment to make it through one of these workouts! I might not be able to shampoo my hair tomorrow... but its worth every second.

All in all, today was pretty excellent. I wavered a bit this morning, but ultimately decided not to weigh in. I'm trying to not make it all about the numbers and focus on getting healthy.  Weight loss is my ultimate goal, but I don't want to get discouraged too early on, and given that my diet was crap this weekend, and I didn't work out for three days last week, I'm technically a little afraid to see a stalemate, or even a gain! I'm going to completely dedicate myself for one solid week in both diet and exercise, and then see where I sit.  Maybe I'll get the big number I want to see then.

I am doing what I thought I would never be able to do, and its paying off in a major way. I'm incredibly grateful to everyone that believes in me, and is right there sweating along with me, pushing me, and motivating me. I couldn't do it alone.

Back with a VENGEANCE!

So today was a very frustrating day at work. My boss is toying with a new schedule and it means I have to be up and out of the house a lot earlier than I am used to, which is no small feat with Sassypants inhibiting my getting ready in the morning.  Combine the early wake up call with a long day at the office, and then sitting in Atlanta traffic, only to find out that school is CANCELLED for the next two days due to a potential ice storm... I was already cranky.

Well no school means kids at home, which means I have to feed them. Boo.  So I had to brave the chaos that is a pre-snow in Atlanta grocery store. The place was an absolute zoo.  I made it though, and came home looking forward to seeing the progress on my kitchen and bathrooms, and wouldn't you know it?

THE REFRIGERATOR IS STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIVING ROOM!!!!! 

I was pissed. Beyond pissed.

Thankfully Cinderella was here to calm me down, as she decided to surprise me and bring Chatterbox over to her house for a Camp Snowed in Cinde week at her house. There she will get to go to the gym, go rock climbing, swimming, play in the snow, you name it, without being trapped at home with construction workers every day while I try to work.  So we made dinner, packed Chatterbox up for the next few days, and finally, moved the fridge out of the way

Thank God! I needed to work out to burn off this frustration from today! My Darling is not feeling well, so I don't get to really talk to him tonight, work sucks, the kids are frustrating, and all I need is some quality time with good old Shaun T.

It felt so amazing to get back into it tonight, I cannot even begin to tell you.

Doesn't that look like the face of someone ecstatic to have just completed the workout?! Sweat and all. :)

As I mentioned yesterday, I decided to just start the entire program over since I barely got into it.  That meant repeating the Fit Test! This is the test that killed me last week.  Tonight? I made it through the entire warm up without having to rest! At all!! Major progress.  

But, what I am most insanely excited about, is the amount of improvement from last week to this week.  I was going to wait to share my results, but I'm too excited. 

The point of the Fit Test is to take 8 exercises, and do each one as many times as you possibly can in 60 seconds.  Sounds easy? Ha. No.

Here are the exercises:

And my results, one week apart:

1. Switch Kicks (one "rep" equals a kick with each leg) : 23/38

2. Power Jacks: 20/34

3. Power Knees: 31/48

4. Power Jumps: 11/17

5. Globe Jumps (one "rep" equals 4 squat jumps, in a circle): 4/6

6. Suicide Jumps: 5/7

7. Push-Up Jacks: 3/8

8: Low Plank Obliques (one "rep" equals one rotation of both sides): 11/21

I am so completely thrilled, but my biggest achievement in my mind is the Push-Up Jack. These are NOT girl pushups. Knees are not involved. These are all out push ups. And I did 8. I can't feel my arms now, but I did 8!!! 

This is my improvement in a WEEK. And that is after taking three days off from the program. The amount of motivation this generates is immeasurable. I think tonight, for the first time, when I once again found myself in a quivering sweaty pile on the floor - but SMILING this time- I really truly believed in myself for the first time.  I feel incredible.

Tomorrow is 'weigh-in' day, and honestly, I don't care what the results are. I'm not expecting anything major, if anything, since I didn't work out all weekend and my diet was less than stellar, but I am getting stronger, and healthier, and that is more important than any number on a scale. 

If you think you can't, you can. If an out of shape, overweight mom of two can do INSANITY, then you can do anything.  I watched an extremely motivational video today that has really spurred me on. I'm sure you've seen it, the disabled veteran that went from not being able to walk unassisted to losing 140 lbs and running in one years time. I've seen it before, but it really spoke to me today.  I had hit a point in my life where I honestly believed I would not be able to walk again without pain in my foot.  Does working out push it? Is it sore? Yes.  But I can do it, and I'm a little stronger each and every day.

No excuses. Get up and do SOMETHING. Right now.

Staying on track over the weekend

Or not as it were...
I mentioned previously I had some setbacks re: complete and total loss of my work out space! I've rearranged some stuff in my living room, and hopefully tomorrow this fridge will be out of here! I've decided to essentially start over on Monday for a few reasons.

1. I really don't want to hurt myself by jumping into a hardcore day right after several days "off".
2. I started mid-week, and to line up with the calendar, its best to start on a Monday. I was going to work around that, but I like the idea of Sunday being an off day since that is when I usually clean and do laundry and am generally active anyway.
3. Weekends are ROUGH enough as it is, with the girls home.

Weekends are definitely going to be my weak spot. It is much easier for me to be more conscientious of what I'm eating when I'm at work.  If I'm hungry, I only have what I brought with me during the day to much on - red pepper strips, beef jerky, my protein bars, etc.  When I'm home? Lets just say the girls had pizza for dinner tonight, and I couldn't let it go to waste now could I?

I think it will get easier as I get into a routine, but with lack of a kitchen, I'm kind of sticking to what is here and simple at the moment.  I want normal back!

Either way, I have been attempting to do positive things this weekend. Like sleep.

Sleep is important!! You burn fat when you sleep. And your body regenerates itself.  I am not a good sleeper.  I've tried being set and consistent, but it doesn't work for me. My hours are too crazy with work, Sassypants doesn't sleep well through the night yet, the school bus comes SUPER early in the morning for Chatterbox.  I suck horribly at actually falling asleep... 100 different reasons.  But then it gets to the weekend, and I end up exhausted and not being all that I can be for my girls.  So my goal is to be up and be motivated next weekend, even though they're going to be at their dads.

Also, completely unrelated to my complete and utter lack of motivation this weekend, I have started taking liver supplements.  Before I started this entire journey, I went in to my doctor for a complete physical.  Doctors are important, yo!  I wanted to make sure I didn't have any sort of imbalance, or issues that would get in the way of being healthy, or stop my progress.  Complete blood panels were drawn. My cholesterol was perfect, blood pressure perfect, thyroid levels were perfect, everything was tip top! For being so overweight for so long, that was astonishing to me!

EXCEPT... and there is always a but.

My liver.  It was showing decreased function.  I didn't think much of it at the time.  I don't drink heavily, but I do take acetaminophen relatively frequently because of my foot, and a couple of other medications, but even that isn't horrible.  But then I started reading about how insanely important the liver is for maintaining healthy weight, and processing fat out of your body when you're losing weight, as well as combating general fatigue, which is something that plagues me constantly.

I decided to look into different supplements that increase liver function.  I found one that my doctor recommended that has a lot of different herbs, like milk thistle, that are designed to reset liver damage and increase overall function, so I started taking that, and will be interested to see how it helps. I'll keep you posted!

So tomorrow is a new day, a new week, and back on track.  The beginning of the track, but back on it nonetheless. I know it has only been a couple of workouts, but I'm interested to see if any of my initial fit test numbers go up since I'll be repeating it tomorrow. You guys don't get those results until the two week mark on the program though.  Gotta keep you in suspense at least a little bit right?

Setbacks and Recovery

Ok, so I have been sort of waylaid for this weekend.  The aforementioned remodel has overtaken my entire house, and I currently have the entire contents of my kitchen, including the refrigerator, sitting in the middle of my living room.  I can barely walk around, let alone work out. They were supposed to come back today and at least make the place livable, however they did not.  And this is the only room that is even remotely big enough to work out in. Therefore, Insanity is on pause.  Blah!

Its frustrating, but I'm dealing. I'm trying to not let it completely immobilize me to stalemate, but I'm enjoying the recovery at the same time.  My diet is still on track - except for yesterday. Yesterday I woke up with my body SCREAMING for carbs.  I tried just some fruit with my usual breakfast of a a protein shake and some eggs, but that did not cut it, so I had some raisin bran. Then that wasn't good enough, so it ended up being a carb indulgent day with a sandwich on wheat for lunch and a burger for dinner, along with my usual veggies. Definitely think it boiled down to just not eating enough to compensate for all of the activity the day before. Today has been much better carb-wise.  At least I'm still staying active and moving around.  Hopefully by Monday night I will be able to get back into it.  Wondering if I should start over though, or pick up where I left off, since I was only 3 days into it and am now missing three days?  I know its supposed to be 10x harder on your body to jump into the middle of it.  Frustrated!

That said, my body is definitely thanking me for the recovery time! Not nearly as sore as I have been.  Could basically walk normally today, and that was with only one day "off".  Just disappointing that I can't really do what I want to do though when I was so on track, but I guess the payoff is a brand new kitchen and bathrooms! Patience.  And by Monday the majority of this stuff will be out of here and back where it belongs, and I will be be able to pick it back up.

Anyway, short post but wanted to remain accountable and let you know where everything stands. Even if it stands still.

Sacrifices and Success

If ever there was a day in the course of this 63 days that I probably had a valid out from Insanity, it would have been today. It was non-stop from about 7:45 this morning until now, at 2am. And it was physical!! Got the girls off to school and then went on a quest for firewood- which involved a lot of walking in quite a few different stores. Apparently the "possible chance of a wintery mix" in the forecast for tomorrow has everyone panicking in Atlanta. Guess you can't blame us for being gunshy after last time though.

Anyway, finally found the firewood, then bought all that they had, which meant loading it all up in my car. Yay for lifting with your legs when your legs can barely hold themselves up!  Then it was off to the office where we have a fountain that was desperately in need of some deep scrubbing of calcium build up.  For two and a half hours I SCRUBBED this stupid fountain. Up, down, squats, climbing in chairs, over head work, you name it... I was sweating! Once that finished I had some machines to assemble for work, and then I had to move all of the firewood from my car to my bosses' car! But that signaled the end of my work day at least.

Then it was home to the kids, and homework with Chatterbox before her and Sassypants were off to bed. Next up I got to write a nasty letter to her teacher who underestimates my protective streak with my children.  So happy I had Cinderella here to help me! Especially since then I had to pack up everything in my kitchen and both bathrooms to get ready for the big re-model that is starting tomorrow of my apartment.  New everything! How's that for motivation to get cooking some healthy meals?  I'm excited, but its going to be a pain to maintain normal day-to-day life while they do it.  Well, we finally finished cleaning and packing at 11:30.  NOW it was time to work out....

I was sore. I was beyond exhausted. I had been physical all day long. It was super late. I missed Darling horribly because it had been such a crazy day that we barely got to message eachother, and I wanted to Skype with him. Especially since we found out a planned trip to see each other this month was not going happen today. Emotionally and physically I was drained. I had 100 reasons to let tonight's work out slide.

But I did it anyway.  And it felt good.  I did have to take like a 5 minute break in the middle simply because I truly am wiped and I didn't want to over extend myself, but I came back and finished harder than I started.  Plus there's just something about it that just gets to me.  As soon as I work up the nerve to hit that play button, the energy just reverberates through me.  Anticipation builds, and then BAM! There is Shaun T telling me I can do it, and to push harder and dig deeper, and I can, and I do. I've done a lot of work out videos before, but I have never felt like the instructor was right there with me as he is in this one.  I absolutely love Insanity. And every day I am going a little harder, and a little longer, and accomplishing a little more.  I am doing things I didn't even imagine I would ever be able to do, and its only day 3! Apparently I am awesome at, and really enjoy, Belt Kicks! Its a power squat which you come out of onto one leg while you kick the other one out in front of you, aiming to get your foot above your hips.  It engages your entire core/back and lower body.

I might have taken breaks, but I certainly worked my ass off too.  Here is me - post work out - laying on the floor a sweaty quivering mess... and yes, that is sweat!

I have motivating factors that have gotten me through today though. For starters? New shoes!!! I needed a really supportive shock absorbent shoe to support my foot, and my last pair, which were amazing when I bought them, have deteriorated significantly over the past 8 years that I have had them.  So I went on a quest to find the perfect Insanity shoe.  After reading about 5000 reviews and trying on a few different pairs, I found the perfect ones for me.  Ascics Gel Excel33.

Pretty right?

Also, I discovered the awesomeness that is Icy Hot.  I used it this morning to relax my quads which were SCREAMING AT ME every step I took... then all of the bending and lifting while we were packing up just intensified that, so right before I went to work out, I lathered up my quads/hamstrings, and because I knew what was coming in tonight's work out, my triceps. The menthol really opened up my lungs to help me breathe deeper and the bonus of it heating up precisely as I was dying on the floor relaxed my muscles out and let me stretch a little longer. Definitely my new necessity for working out!  

Unfortunately, I left the tube down where Sassypants could find it. Imagine her surprise when she slathered her hands up with 3/4's of a brand new tube of IcyHot... The mess was awful, and I wish I had been able to take pictures, but I was more concerned about her touching her face with it on her, so the concern was cleaning it up.  Lets just say she will most likely not be getting into my lotion for a while... "Hot mommy hot!"

Post-work out after my protein recovery drink I've been taking nice hot showers and then doing a deep tissue rub down of basically my entire body too, which seems to help with the immediate soreness.

Finally..... I am trying very hard to avoid the scale and not make it all about weight.  Especially since I am building muscle, which weighs more than fat. Therefore, I'm tracking inches now! Yay.

Current measurements - at the absolute widest part of each measurement:
Arms: (L) 18" (R) 19"
Chest: 42"
Waist: 41
Post-baby Pooch (ya'll women know what this is!): 47.5"
Hips: 48"
Thighs: (L) 29" (R) 29"
Calves: (L) 17.5" (R) 15"

My right calf is the muscle that atrophied so severely following my surgery. It is the only measurement I want to INCREASE.

So now I have another way to track my progress. And every day I'm one step closer. No excuses. All in all, I am finding new ways every day to make this a little better and a little more fun.  Still seeking that balance, but I know there will be sacrifices to make along the way.  I'm just grateful that I have so many people who believe in me to keep me going.

Sums it up

Well maybe not EVERY minute.
In fact, maybe just the last one?

The Morning After

I had every intention this morning of getting up, getting the girls off to their respective day, then coming home and getting my workout in and over with early!

What is that saying? Oh that's right... the road to hell.  That was before I overslept, and by overslept I mean I actually did manage to wake up toss some granola bars at my kids, and proceeded to hit snooze for 45 minutes.  By "oversleeping" I managed to assist my Chatterbox missing the school bus, meaning I had to drive her. But when I got to school FINALLY- half an hour late, the parking lot was packed! Oh yeah... It was her honor roll award ceremony. So we went to that, then I dropped Sassypants off at daycare and remembered my doctors appointment! Finally made it home a few hours later and it was well past the time to throw myself into work. 

And by work I mean a nap. I was EXHAUSTED and sore. Not horribly so, but I absolutely 100% felt it. More than I expected to really.  It was manageable, until Chatterbox's ballet class when I had to take her to the studio, which was down and then up a flight of stairs. Ouch! 

By 6 o'clock I was already coming up with 100 reasons to not actually start Insanity day 2 tonight.  I had just about convinced myself that "tomorrow" would be good enough to start, and that I should 'ease' into it.

That is me. That's my style. Except tomorrow is going to be just as busy as today was, and I have to actually go to the office which means I'll get home late, and once I do finally get home Cinderella (my best friend, and no not a pseudonym this time) is coming over to help me box up everything in my kitchen and bathrooms since the remodel starts on Friday, plus the kids will need a bath tomorrow night, and homework.  So if I skipped tonight, then there would be nothing stopping me from skipping tomorrow, or ever! 

Once that thought hit me, I was ready. I wanted to get the kids into bed and and start PUSHING THROUGH!  Plopped the kids into bed and immediately changed and started.

I was sore, until the warm up which actually did warm me up. Completely loosened all of my muscles, and the soreness dissipated.  Once the power squats started happening though... ouch.

Cardio Plyometrics! Awesome! Or not....

Admittedly I was VERY scared. I stayed up entirely too late last night (hence today's exhaustion) reading about day 2, and everyone said that it was the hardest of the first month work outs.  I'm a big girl! I haven't done "CARDIO" in years...... Not with real effort put in.  But I made this 63 day commitment.  I might not be able to do everything, but I was certainly going to try.

First came the warm up.  Jogging, jumping jacks, Heisman's, triple step power knees, and a few other exercises in 30 second groups.  Omg this is the warm up? So I did it. I wasn't as fast as them, I stopped to take little breaths and to figure out how the heck to do what it was they were doing, but I didn't completely stop, and I kept it going.  Woohoo. That wasn't awful... 30 second break. Then they repeated it. Faster. I did better the second time! Like a lot better. I knew the moves, so I could do them more.  I made it all the way through the 2nd set without stopping. 30 second break.  

Then the third set.  FASTER! Say what?!  Yeah I definitely had to stop here and catch my breath, and focus on FORM.  I'm trying very hard to make sure I do not re-injure my foot now that it is finally starting to get a little stronger. By the end of the warm up, I was SO grateful for the stretching session...just so I could breath. I was already sweating all over.

But that was just the warm up. Then the real insanity started - Max Interval Cardio.

I'm decently proud of myself. I know I will improve, but I'm certainly not beating myself up over not being able to do every exercise.  I do know that I have never in my life, once, come so close to throwing up as I did tonight, or wanting to pass out.  To me, that says I pushed myself.  I never took more than a 1 minute break, and I did at least a few of every single exercise, every round, in the circuit.  And when I just could not do a single round more, I did something else- like planking - just to keep my muscles engaged.

Bottom line. I did it. I did day 2.

Clearly I'm crazy.... INSANITY time!

Two posts in one day!  My level of commitment has never been higher.
As a continuation of my previous post...

So here I am, just over two months in and 25 lbs down.  No more excuses. I told myself that when I lost 25 lbs I would add working out to my diet and break the plateau that has plagued me for 7 years.  When I got pregnant with my first daughter, who is about to turn 6, I had been dieting and working out hard, and FINALLY made it down to 195 lbs - barely.  My fat gets stubborn around 215, and the month I spent under 200 was the only month in over a decade.  Problem is? I haven't seen under 200 since then.

You have absolutely no idea how badly I want this for myself, and I am willing to put in the work to do it.  A while back - quite a while actually - I bought the INSANITY 63 day program. But I have always been too scared to try it, so it sat unopened at the back of a drawer, waiting for me to find the courage to face it. It is going to be torture, and it will hurt, and it will push me harder than I have ever been pushed in my entire life.  But you know what? THAT'S OK!  Because I am strong, and powerful, and I have been through far worse things in my life than a workout DVD that wants to kill me.  And even better? You can survive anything, no matter how bad, if you know there is a finite end to your suffering.  Beachbody's Insanity program is 63 days.  I can do 63 days right??

But here I am, the morning where I finally faced the scale and to my surprise saw that I had lost 25 lbs.  It was time to start working out. But do I want to do Insanity? Or something... more my pathetic overweight, out of shape pace.  Then I looked at the calendar.  I'm going back to Canada to see Darling. In 63 days.

Fate has spoken!

And so I begin... Insanity; Day 1.

Its just a fitness test today. How hard can that possibly be? HAHA!
I will say now, in hindsight, that I don't think I gave it 100% effort.  80% maybe. 100%? No. I do have to modify some exercises while I am still so overweight, like the power jumps, until I can get the surrounding muscles of my foot strong enough to support it without damaging it more, but I definitely think I took it easy on myself a little bit.

And by EASY, I mean I had muscles shaking that I didn't even know existed, let alone that I actually had.  I was not dripping sweat, it was POURING, and I felt like there was not enough oxygen in the world to get me through it. And this is just the TEST? Little scared lol.

But I made it. I finished the test.  Pretty sure I failed it, but I finished it! And the way the program is set up, I will repeat this test every two weeks until its over so that I can track my fitness progress.  And next time? 110%.  When I repeat it in 2 weeks I will post my 'before and after' results so you can track along with me.

But here are my "BEFORE" pictures! Awful right?  Overall, I think I'm pretty.  I have a great face and (if I do say so myself) gorgeous eyes and hair, and importantly, I know how to dress for my body size and shape, but when it comes right down to it, I want to look great naked!!!  And this? Not pretty naked. Enough rolls to make Sara Lee jealous.

But this is me. And soon it will be the Me I Used to Be.
Starting weight 2/4/2014: 212.8 lbs / 5'6"
Starting BMI: 34.4
Size: 16

Goal: 150 lbs
Goal BMI: 24.4
Size: 8

Tomorrow is another day, a new (actual) intense work out, and one day closer to finding myself along the way...
<3
~Me

Never stop trying

Ok so...... I've been MIA for a year and a half.  And you know what has changed in that year and a half? NOTHING! And everything at the same time...

In my personal life, I ended my 8.5 year relationship with the aforementioned 'baby daddy', became a single parent to a 2 year old and 5 year old, had major surgery to fuse the bones in my foot (see my "Beginning" post regarding that previous injury), had a Summer fling rebound relationship which ended horribly, and then... then I met the love of my life "Darling", who loves me exactly how I am, no matter what. So obviously a lot of stressors and changes, good and bad happening, but it has brought me to a really great place in my life.

I've learned a thing or two this past year and a half. Most importantly? I can't lose weight and get into shape and be healthy for anyone else if I don't want to do it for ME. I can use them as motivation, but ultimately, I need to please myself if I want to succeed. And this is precisely what I am finally doing.

So picking up where I left off 18 months ago...

I decided at Thanksgiving (Genius right?) that the time was NOW.  I was happy, and stable, in a healthy amazing relationship, and ready to really give myself the attention I needed and deserved. But I had made virtually no progress.  On the morning of November 27, 2013, I weighed in at 237.7 pounds. My foot was still not fully recovered from my surgery the previous December, so working out - heck even WALKING - was difficult and painful, but my doctor kept telling me that it won't get better until I lose weight.  So I decided to get serious about my diet.

Random fact? I'm super carb sensitive. Besides the obvious cravings for sugar, I have PCOS and don't process them well, so I stay fat.  My mother and grandmother had both recently begun following an Atkins like regime of low carb/high protein with astonishingly good results, so I thought to myself "Ok, if they can do it, so can I!"  I had a major trip coming up for Christmas to visit Darling in Canada and wanted to drop a few pounds before then, so I promised myself one month, just dieting- not working out and pushing my foot to the point of injury- and I would see what would happen.

So I cut out carbs, almost entirely.  Not completely. I had a cheat meal every once in a while, but no soda, none of my beloved Monster energy drinks, breads, etc.  I focused mainly on protein like meats and cheese, the Atkins shakes which are surprisingly quite good, and lots of veggies.  I found some foods that I loved, like the new frozen Atkins meals when I was too busy to cook, a bag of Tyson sweet asian chicken thighs, italian meatballs, and so on.  For a month, I really committed.

And I lost 17 lbs.  Now mind you, you lose weight pretty easily when you have a LOT of weight to lose, and at that point, I had 90 pounds I needed to get rid of, but still, I was pretty proud of myself!

Then I went to Canada..... And discovered Poutine..... Know what Poutine is? Its french fries. With gravy and cheese curds.  Sounds disgusting right?  Well its not. Its AMAZING. And for the 9 days that I was in Toronto, I ate it almost every day. Thankfully there was a lot of walking! And then I came home... And missed Canada and my love so much that I started making Poutine here. Remember where I said I was carb sensitive?  Yeah. I regained almost 5 lbs in 2 weeks.

So here it was, the whole "New Year, New Me" conundrum that every one falls into on January 1st, and I was down about 13 pounds from where I had started, and completely lacking motivation to get back into my diet. I had some health issues creep up this month, and lots of medications, and I just kind of quit myself.

But I'm better than that! And I'm not giving up... so I got back into it.  I didn't go straight back to Atkins, but I started making better choices, and drinking more water.  My Monster's and were replaced with 0 carb rehab drinks with vitamins and my necessary-to-survive caffeine. Little by little it started coming off and my clothes were looser, but I didn't want to see the scale, until while Skyping with Darling he looks and me and says "Wow you have lost a LOT of weight!"

With that motivation, I decided to get on the scale just to see for myself.
And wouldn't you know it?  212.8.

I have lost 25 lbs. And almost 2 complete pant sizes. 

This was my 'initial' goal.  Officially my pre-2nd baby weight. I told myself that when I dropped 25 lbs it would be time to start working out.  I'm never the one to do something on a small scale though, so when I decided to start, it was GO BIG OR DIE! And the time to go, is now.